Hey!
What a rush! What bliss!
Before you start, I’m going to be discussing both of my birth stories here, the good and the bad. This might not be a good read for anyone who is squeamish about birth details.
Please skip Soren’s birth story if you are sensitive to birth trauma or medical trauma.
Soren’s American Birth
(Not all the details, but a summary of the big issues for comparison’s sake)
Soren was born two years ago, precisely on his due date. Like most first births, his birth was longer and harder than average, because your body has never done it before. Even by those standard’s, Soren’s birth was a lot.
I went into labor after a membrane sweep the night before his due date. I got an epidural when I was 3cm dilated, which wound up being quite early, especially considering I wasn’t allowed to eat. I labored for 26 hours (with epidural for 13 of them), and pushed for 3 hours.
By the end of labor, Soren’s heart rate was dropping and the birth team began interventions. He was born by vacuum assist with the entire emergency cesarean team ready to go if it failed. Quite literally - the doctor, in full surgical scrubs, gave me one last push attempt with suction. Then one extra because he was so close, and Soren was born.
The birth was hard on both of us. Soren had a bleed on his head and spent four days in the NICU. I had a third degree tear, so much pain they knocked me out for an hour, and what I’m pretty sure was PPAD and PTSD for a long time afterwards.
At discharge, the attending doctor (who I strongly disliked for many reasons, including trying to make me mad to make me push harder) told me to never ever attempt a vaginal birth again, that my body just wasn’t made for it. My normal doctor refuted his statements, but his words haunted me.
Planning Elsie’s Birth
If you didn’t read the last post, go catch up if you want to hear about my experience with standard prenatal care in Finland.
For mothers like me who use the private system for care, there is eventually a point where you switch to the public system. Everyone births at the same public hospital in Helsinki. At 35 weeks my private system doctor did a final sizing scan. Nothing seemed problematic, so she passed me to the public system for monitoring and birth.
At 36 weeks I had my first appointment at the birth hospital, Naistenklinikka. I met with that midwife every week, and had an ultrasound again at 38 and 40 weeks to ensure the baby wasn’t getting too big. Every scan showed normal results, so I my doctor continued with wait-but-monitor strategy.
My doctor’s theory was that my first birth was triggered prematurely by the membrane sweep, and my body simply wasn’t done preparing. She didn’t want to perform any interventions until 40+6, and wouldn’t induce me until 42 weeks. (If you've been pregnant, you know that 42 weeks pregnant sounds like absolute torture).
There is a long-standing rumor that cesareans are hard to get in Finland, but I was offered one at my very first appointment. She asked about my fears of different things, and offered to simply book a surgery date if I was too scared of a repeated traumatic vaginal birth. I’m glad I didn’t take her offer, but it was really comforting knowing my mental health was being considered too.
I also received a non-stress test (basically just monitoring for heart rates and contractions for 30 minutes) at every midwife visit, something I never had in America. I’m not sure if this was standard or due to my history.
When talking about my hopes for the birth, I discussed my desire to delay epidural for longer this time. The amount of options was overwhelming. Where my American hospital had offered epidural, water tub, or IV medication, the Finnish hospital also offered gas, Aqua blisters, local anesthetics, and a large array of non medicated options. Some midwifes are even trained in acupuncture! But I knew once I was in the hospital I would want the epidural (because the epidural was perfectly pain-free bliss for me), so I planned to delay for as long as possible.
Going into Labor
I experienced an absolutely insane thing called prodromal labor with Elsie. For the last six days of my pregnancy I had labor contractions. Six. Straight. Days. Every night, they became so regular I could time them, but then disappeared when I went asleep.
At first I was excited. It felt like labor could happen at any moment!
But then my due date came.
And went.
And I was huge
And uncomfortable
And now also having contractions all day, every day.
I was exhausted. I felt like I was never going to give birth. So when the real thing hit, I was in major denial.
Just like every night, contractions were getting regular after dinner. I did most of Soren’s bedtime routine with contractions. I assumed they wouldn't last, so I tried to go to bed as usual.
It finally became clear that the contractions weren’t going away when I couldn't stay asleep. Next, I assumed I would labor all night like with Soren. We delayed telling anyone we were in labor. I kept trying to sleep between contractions.
However, this labor was nothing like Soren’s. Even with contractions 10 minutes apart, they were so intense I could barely rest. I tried the shower, heat packs, everything. I couldn’t figure out why they were so much more painful than I remembered. I was convinced I was still in the early stages and simply being a wimp. (Spoiler - I wasn’t).
Around 1AM I gave up. I couldn't imagine hours more of this pain level and I wanted my epidural. Aaron made the call to the hospital. My contractions were still every 5 minutes, so they told me to come alone. Due to the Covid 19 pandemic, birth partners weren’t allowed until you were admitted, and they didn’t know if I was far enough along. So Aaron stayed home and waited for our babysitter (thank you Ellen!) while I got in a taxi.
I had the world’s nicest taxi driver take me to the hospital. He was totally nonplussed by a woman in obvious labor in the early hours of the morning, and told me I was doing a great job. I walked myself into the hospital. At this point, I was suddenly realizing that I had to bear down to make the pain tolerable and maybe I wasn’t actually in early labor. I was probably in transition at this point, because the pain and hormones were making me feel crazy - I absolutely couldn't think.
I stood at the check-in area for a few minutes just staring, because my brain in labor couldn’t remember any Finnish words that were on the signs. Labor is not a great time for critical thinking.
Eventually I just picked a person at a desk. The sent me to the right one and I gave them my ID. After one contraction at the desk I told them I needed to push, and they got me a nurse very quickly. I walked myself back to my room because I didn't want to try to sit in a wheelchair through a contraction. I had two just getting to the room.
Things moved FAST. By the time they checked me I was 9.5. I asked for an epidural (which I was wayyyy too late for). They got all the straps and monitors on me and suddenly the next contraction hit me STRONG. I knew I couldn’t handle it unless I stood, so I got off the bed, much to the surprise of my midwifes. With a big POP my water burst all over the floor. Suddenly it was go time.
I said “give me anything you have,” so they gave me the gas. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but it was perfect for me. It was immediate relief without any loss of sensation. I knew the contractions were strong, but I was aware of them like an intense pressure rather than pain.
I texted Aaron to get there NOW, while my midwife was texting my doctor for the game plan. Then I pushed, had a few local injections and a small episiotomy (which I didn’t feel at all), and pushed more.
Aaron got there as fast as he could, and entered the room just as Elsie was born!
I had been at the hospital for 20 minutes, and my baby girl was in my arms.
I get it now, why some people want all natural deliveries. It’s the most powerful thing your body can do.
I glad beyond belief I had my epidural with Soren, but I might even do just gas again if we have another child.
After two hours and some basic health checks, they walked Elsie and I down to a van to take us to the “Nest” one block away.
And that was it! We were discharged.
Completely pain-relief free though? No thanks!
After Birth Care
When Soren was born, I held him briefly, in a fog of pain of medication, and he was whisked away to the NICU. I can barely remember it. I couldn’t get out of bed by myself for hours. I couldn’t walk properly for weeks. So everything being so normal for Elsie was shocking.
They gave me stitches while I held Elsie on my chest. Elsie was able to breastfeed almost immediately after birth and, being a second time mom, my milk was ready and waiting for her and I knew how to latch her. Then I was handed a gown and a towel (things moved too fast for me to actually get a gown during labor), and I was told to shower and try to pee.
I was a little surprised to be given so much privacy - I have clear memories after Soren’s birth of a nurse putting my first mesh underwear on me, not allowing me to let go of the bathroom rail. But this time I walked myself to the bathroom, shut the door, and slowly cleaned and acclimated to my new postpartum body.
Within an hour, Elsie and I were both clean and dressed. Aaron and I were given breakfast. My labor doctor came to visit, the same doctor I had been meeting for weeks - she was overjoyed that it had gone so well, with her participation only by text message!
Aaron and I just relaxed with our new baby, alone for a few brief hours in the silence of the early morning.
Soon it was time for me to switch to a recovery room. COVID restrictions meant that Aaron was not permitted to come with us, so he was sent home. I walked myself there without issues, no wheelchair in sight! Aaron arrived home before Soren even woke up for the day.
The Nest
My stay in the actual hospital recovery room was extremely brief. I was alone in a small two-bed room that was extremely sparse. Just a simple cot, a metal crib, some bedding, and a divider for privacy. At this point it was 6AM, and I hadn't slept at all, so I took a short nap.
The nest is the second floor of a hotel, with all the privacy and benefits of a hotel stay. For experienced moms like me it is a beautiful balance of comfort, access to medical staff, and privacy. We had originally planned to bring Soren with to stay in the hotel as a family. This is common, and there’s even a play area on the floor. There’s a great article here about normal times at the nest, and how the hotel-hospital- hybrid came to be.
However, Covid restrictions greatly changed the environment at the nest. No partners or visitors of any kind were allowed. Meals were preselected and delivered in bags to be heated in a microwave. It was very, very quiet.
But for me?
This was bliss.
This was a vacation.
It’s strange after caring for a toddler full time to suddenly only be responsible for a tiny baby, especially when you already know all the newborn cues. They eat and sleep and poop and sleep again. Waking up every few hours isn’t so bad when your only responsibilities mostly involve sitting, and you don't have that new parent confusion of learning everything all at once.
I didn’t have postpartum anxiety this time, so I was able to sleep and shower and enjoy watching some television in my quiet room from my cozy bed. I FaceTimed family members to virtually meet the new baby. I even got some knitting done.
Thanks to all the difficulties I had with Soren, I knew exactly how to troubleshoot Elsie’s breastfeeding latch, and the nurses did very little besides deliver pain medication.
Literally the only issues I had in the nest were, first, no chocolate anywhere and I deserved chocolate. Pregnant mammas, pack a reward in your hospital bag!
Second, there were no baby wipes.
In Finland it is common practice to simply hold your baby under the tap in the bathroom sink to clean off poop. I like the idea of it - it's cleaner, waste-free. But it also requires a lot more clothing removal, fiddling with water temperature, and holding your tiny infant one handed. It was decidedly not for me.
I improvised with an extra roll of toilet paper and the sink in the wet bar area.
After just 36 hours, the on-site pediatrician gave Elsie a final check up. From a distance, again because of Covid-19.
Aaron brought the double stroller, and we rode a bus back home with two children for the very first time.
Soren was intrigued by the sudden addition of the sleeping baby next to him, but frankly was more interested in getting to ride the bus.
That's it! We were home. And she's been growing up wonderfully ever since. 🥰
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